If you're treating sex like it's a chore, then there's a serious issue. I know that this has to be integral to that absurd 103 statistic. Sex should be an enjoyable experience for both parties.
I've been in relationships where things started hot and heavy for maybe a month and then started to become average and, after a few months, I wanted to do it as much as I wanted to clean the bathroom. He'd always initiate it by asking or saying he wanted to have sex (right then and there) and I was always disinterested. I'd cave, say, "you've got three minutes," and count the seconds in my head (lit-er-all-y). How terrible is this, really?! What the hell was wrong with me...
Looking back, I guess the main issue was that I didn't feel pursued (and I felt disconnected). Did it really matter that he was having sex with me, or just that he was having sex? I surely didn't feel sexy. He'd make comments to me throughout the day about how sexy I was or something to that effect, but I never really felt it. When I was in the mood, it seemed he wasn't. Sometimes, he was holding out on me as payback. Another guy I was with would practically look through me, paying more attention to the television than his naked woman*. Trust me, I tested this many times.
I'm a very needy person when it comes to attention. I'm sure that most women are. And we love to be pursued. Often, guys think that this pursuit should end once they have us. Roommate, wife, whatever. Guys, I can tell you now..., start GENUINELY pursuing your woman and you'll get laid. We like the chase. And this chase doesn't mean two minutes of kissing our necks. It's an all-day event. Oh yes, that's right... Women don't typically wrap their heads around sex in a matter of seconds like guys do. You have to bypass all the clutter in our brains first.
Start the day with something romantic. We like to hear how much you love us, and how much we mean to you, so start there. I'll delve into this whole mush-factor later. By lunch time, get sexy. Let us know what you're thinking about---something that's driving you crazy about us. It doesn't even have to be extreme, but now that we're all melty from your loving comments, it's time to implant the sex seed. By dinner, remind us of one particularly steamy occasion. We love reminiscing. Maybe get a little touchy-feely but not too much. Let us desire you. I can't speak for the rest of us women, but I enjoy being teased as long as it ends well. If you keep putting these ideas in our minds, dessert will be most enjoyable. But, for women, it's about the chase and about the secret bond you are sharing with her. It's a level of intimacy that drives us crazy.
Now, I should add a disclaimer that, if your relationship is on the rocks, it will take more than this to have a sex life in good standing. Unless, angry, mad sex turns you both on. We'll discuss this later, as well.
And if the man isn't interested, then ladies, you've possibly done something wrong, too.** Don't dismiss this. Men feel connected during sex (we like to talk, they like to be physical). It shows he's desired and he's allowing himself to be vulnerable with you. When you encourage sex, he feels secure. I regularly (borderline constantly) tell my man how much I desire him, how attracted to him I am, and build his ego (I love him, so why hold out on that?). I want to make sure that he knows exactly how into him I really am. He does the same, so I chalk this up to one of the reasons why we are so connected. So, if he's shutting you out, do some investigating to see what may have occurred to make him feel this way. Ladies need to keep the fire burning just as much as men. Kindle the flame if it's burning out, and reignite that passion!
Bottom line: we all like to be pursued. We all want to be wanted. If you are in a loving relationship, don't neglect each other.
Happy Humping!
*Obviously, these relationships were on the rocks, seeing as they all ended. I'm sure that strutting my naked self around a man who probably didn't feel very loved wasn't going to get me very far. Just because men seem more sexual doesn't mean that they don't need to feel secure before engaging in sex. Unfortunately, all I remember is that I was looking particularly hot and naked and he ignored me. Who knows what I did to deserve his indifference.
**As I read this to my boyfriend, he wants to add that this isn't always the case. He said, "he could just be a dick." I think he's pretty shocked that I was rejected in the past and so he's being protective. How sweet! And, he also adds that the man could be bored if he's not really into it anymore. Back to that whole Awwwwk-ward! post about spicing it up... there's more to come on this topic.
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