Distance makes the heart grow fonder... and hornier.

Long-distance relationships are very difficult to withstand.  They take a lot of trust, patience, commitment, and creativity.  I have been in three long-distance relationships and it's enough to make someone crazy.  Two of my experiences were Soldiers who deployed for the war.  One is my current situation, and while he's not in a third-world country trying to make peace and stay alive, and we're not enduring a year's worth of time apart, it's still challenging.  Since I have blossomed into the "sex kitten" I am today versus the person I was in my other two long-distance relationships, that aspect creates another hardship.  What to do with the horniness...

When I left, my man and I made a no-sex pact.  Five months of no sex of any kind.  I think that lasted ten days.  Maybe.  Now, we have a no-sex-without-each-other pact.  Now, masturbation can be a great thing (if I may steal from Martha Stewart).  However, doing it alone while in a relationship makes me feel guilty.  Even if I am recalling experiences with the person I'm with, it's still not enjoyable to me.  However, I think the longest time I managed was maybe sixty days previously.  But, this whole aspect of doing it together is new and liberating.  So, how can you take advantage?

Given that your partner is in a position to communicate regularly, these ideas work very nicely:

1. Sexting.  Sexy, racy text messages are the easiest, mildest ways to ease into long-distance sex.  Nothing can drive a person more insane and into instant horn-ball mode than getting a random text message that says, "I would do anything to give you a blowjob right now" or "I can't stop thinking about tying you up and licking you all over"...  Of course, you have to get over your own hurdles before you can feel comfortable with doing this.  It goes back to the Awwwk-ward! post.  Once you let go of the stigmas behind dirty talk, you'll be amazed at how easy this is and how close you and your partner can get.  Sharing intimate context like this and being able to be open to each other works wonders on a relationship and your sex life.  And, if the thought of being honest with what you want to do or want to have done makes you blush and feel crazy, start with sexting.  You can do it from far away or from another room.  No face-to-face nervousness.  And once you hit "send" you can't take it back.  I guarantee if you tried this while sitting in the other room, you'd be getting it on in ten minutes.  Added bonus: camera phone.  Need I say more?

2.  Internet Sex.  Similar concept to sexting, with talking on an instant messenger of sorts, except now you can interject things into your conversation.  Play it out like a story.  "So, picture me wearing this" and shoot him a link to a website of whatever you have in mind.  "I really want to get you all alone here," link to an amazing place, like a telephone booth, "and bend you over that ledge there, press you up against the glass..." and let the other person's mind fill in the photo.  Better still, remember that camera phone?  Upload photos and send them.* 

3.  Writing.  Writing sex is easy and gets you more fired up than you think.  If you play out the scene and get comfortable with the language, then you can write your own sex mini-story.  However, the downfall to this is that it's a teaser.  If you write this all out and ship it off into the mail, there is no gratification there.  You're just hot and bothered with no place to go, if you are following a pact like mine.  You can do this via email and maybe segue into the next step, though.

4. Phone sex.  Taking all of your newly-acquired sexting and writing skills and putting them into to spoken words whispered into your lover's ear is not a huge leap if you are prepared.  Bring out your racy vocabulary (you can't just say, in your best throaty sex voice, "I want to have sex with you.").  Start coming to terms with the words that are going to vividly describe what you're talking about.  And, I'm not sure if you can do phone sex with "polite" words.  If you are a "polite" person (I am not) and the thought of telling someone you want him to fuck you just isn't doable for whatever reason, then try alternate words for it, I guess.  But I think "making love" just doesn't happen unless you're actually in physical presence of one another.  So anyway.  Gather up your vocabulary (fuck, dick, clit, penis, we use a Spanish slang term for vagina [panocha] because, really, how sexy is that word, breasts, boobs, whatever you prefer), set the mood, and make the call.  Maybe start with sexting and then call.  This is where you have to be assertive--at least one of you.  Someone has to take the reins.  Tell each other what to do, what you want done, and do it.  One person can start the conversation and set it up, and the other person can take over.  This is easy to transfer by saying something like, "you crawl up my body, kissing every inch until you make it to my ear, and then you whisperrrrr..."  The first step in real-time paired-masturbation. 

5. Webcam.  For years I've hated and scoffed at webcams.  However, I started using one to communicate in my current relationship, and I love it.  I love it for practical and endearing purposes, of course, but webcam sex is high quality long-distance stuff!  Get a Bluetooth headset for your phone and take it to the next level.  You can really set the mood, show off some sexy attire, strip off the sexy attire, and tell each other what to do and watch it. 

Even if you aren't in a long-distance relationship, some of these ideas I would recommend just to spice things up.  It's a whole new level of comfort to your relationship, a more complete way of bonding, when you can be so honest with each other.  Even when I thought my sex life was fantastic, I can't even imagine what it will be like now that we've found other ways to enjoy each other and grow so close together while being so far apart. 

Happy Humping!

*Disclaimer: you really have to be comfortable with the fact that some day, that person may hate you so much that they plaster your naked photos all over the internet.  Just sayin'.  And don't assume that the person that you're with would "never do that" because you're in the "most committed relationship ever."  Really come to terms with this idea.